Things have eased off…I have some time to regroup, to get my mind and life back together again after a tough week.
Amazing how these things time themselves so well when I have time off and would have just been sat letting the bad voices shout at me all weekend one of my best friends was in the same situation and asked if I wanted a girls night to distract ourselves.
My friend K + pizza + dvd’s = a night of giggles, putting the world to rights and lots of Toby cuddles for both of us.
We may not have solved all our problems but we could actually talk about them, in person, to someone else who understood what we were going through.
It’s strange how similar in lots of ways we are, we met at college when we were 16 years old and clicked back then. We’ve stayed friends for nearly 13 years and talked each other through some tough times not the least of which when I was diagnosed with MS and then not long after she was too. We both have mental health problems that if not the same…are similar enough that we don’t get lost in a conversation when the other can’t vocalise the feelings well enough to make an outsider understand.
Toby is missing her now, he was enjoying so much attention from the two of us! Being able to cuddle up in between us on the sofa and have one person scratch his ears and the other his back…he was in doggy heaven for the past 24 hours and now keeps looking at me as if to ask when she is coming back. Soon Toby, hopefully soon.
It did make me realise that I’m a little numb…I don’t know whether it’s the medication or just the way my mind is working at the moment in order to let me get through the stress and tiredness either way it’s not the best idea. That was why I came off my last antidepressant because I couldn’t cry, I didn’t feel happiness, I just felt….level. I appreciate being level rather than plummeting to the depths don’t get me wrong but I also know it’s not good to not be able to fluctuate in your emotions. Not when there is obviously something wrong because my comfort eating urge is high, my fatigue is annoyingly present and the nasty voices are there in force.
I do have some good news though, my appointment for another assessment this time with the psychological therapy team who will hopefully be able to guide me to some sort of resolution. One more month and I’m there, I’ll be trying to talk to them and explain what is going on in my mind and making myself trust someone new.
I have time this week…time to look after myself, look after Toby, the house, my washing and maybe even do some of the next assessment so there isn’t such a rush next time.
Time….it’s such a rare commodity at the moment I’m a bit lost! I’ll try and catch up on what everyone has been up to but I have to say it might take me a while!