I am alive…

…and very sorry for not saying so sooner.

I could not face opening this program, writing a post, reading how people were doing.

This blog, that had started as such a catharsis, such a wonderful place to voice my internal madness had become….well a chore, another job that I just didn’t have the energy for physically or mentally. The bigger it got, the more people I talked to on here, the more pressure I piled upon myself and when I relapsed last year, crashing spectacularly, well I abandoned everything that took energy including this.

I’m not sure I will be back really, not in the way I was. So much has happened since I last wrote on here and I think I may have changed too much to come back as I was, as well as the worry that I will again succumb to my addictive personality and not be able to function without it.

For those of you who I do not have on facebook for one reason or another, please know you have been in my thoughts. I have hoped you are doing well, that you are finding improvements slowly but surely and you are enjoying your lives, found myself thinking of you (usually at the strangest times) and imagining you at your best.

Love you all my WP family xx

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11 thoughts on “I am alive…

  1. Thanks for posting this, my friend.
    It is so good to know you are ‘okay’, even though I’m sorry it sounds like you have had a rough time. You have often been in my thoughts also.

    I understand what you say about writing, and the pressure we put on ourselves. My writing has been sporadic also, it’s hard to find the right balance. Just remember, your health comes first.

    Take care beautiful xx

    • It’s been a tough year and not showing signs of easing just yet, I don’t know why yesterday seemed to be a day to try and sign back in (I couldn’t remember my password) and see how people were doing. Bourbon has told me a few bits about mutual friends from here as I have her on facebook, we all seem to be finding it more helpful to try and write on here less for one reason or another :)

      I keep telling myself that my health comes first…in all areas of my life and one day I’ll hopefully find a balance. I hope you will too so you can still find solace in your writing without the pressure!

      You take care of yourself too, be kind to you and keep finding those little glimmers of beauty in the world xox

  2. Thank you for writing. It’s good to hear from you.
    I understand. We all need to do what’s best for ourselves.
    I’ve been thinking of you also at the weirdest times…
    I hope you’re well. Take care xoxo

    • It’s taken me so long to admit that I do matter, but I’m getting there :) It’s been a tough year and I’m hoping that things will at some point level out, when they do it may be easier to write again.
      I don’t know why it was always at strange times that you all popped into my head! lol it never made any sense as to why but it was always nice when I did and hoped you were doing well.
      xoxox

  3. I have often dropped by to see if you had checked in. I’m glad to have you back at least long enough to say good bye. I hope you will keep going and catch us up on all that has happened to you.

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