Departmental Bingo

Hospital-Vocabulary-bingo

I would have won by now if I was playing it with hospital departments as I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day.

Another one was crossed off last week, Rheumatology. I’ve been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as well as all the rest.

So the list.

Neurology, Rheumatology, Dermatology, Physiotherapy (MSK and Neuro), Urology, Speech and Language Therapy, Colorectal, Psychiatry (Liaison and psychotherapy), Opthalmology, Surgery (maxillofacial and gastro), Radiology, phlebotomy (vampires), general practice and emergency departments of course.

All within the past 10 years.

My body is failing me, it is just getting worse and worse, no respite. Some days I can barely move, walk, see, use my arms, you name it something is wrong ever day and you know what? I’m sick of it.

I try to be as positive as I can be, it’s the only way to survive when you have chronic degenerative conditions, but it’s so hard. Everyone has off days, I tell myself that when I can’t make myself move off the sofa to make myself a decent meal. I tell myself that when I am under a black cloud inundating my face with rivers of tears.

I have to joke about things, it’s a coping mechanism for all the manure that gets piled on my life. I joke about how many departments I’ve been under, ¬†joke about the problems I have to make light of them, I try to make anything that is going on have a silver lining.

But some days I just can’t do it.

The tablets I’m on mean I don’t plummet into the dark as badly as I did in the past, I’m relatively numb, but sometimes my body belies the emotions that are obviously still there. I will cry without feeling the sadness, I will rage at people without feeling the anger, feel sick and shaky even when I don’t feel the actual anxiety. It’s a strange way of being and I’m not sure I like it, but if they stop me from doing anything stupid and allow me to not do anything stupid then I guess they will be around for a while.

Today is not a good day, but the clouds will clear, I hang on to that thought,  cling to it with my fingernails if necessary and wait for the sun to show its face.

 

9 responses to this post.

  1. (((hugs)))

    Reply

  2. Posted by Scrathers on April 22, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    Do you need any help walking Toby or with anything? Give me something practical I can do to help xx

    Reply

    • I’m sure he would love a nice long walk with someone who can keep up with him if you don’t mind. I try when I can but mostly he has to put up with shorter ones at the moment. xx

      Reply

  3. Massive hugs to you xxx

    Reply

  4. These are the times when I wish words really could do magic things, magic in the immediate, make all well for you sort of way. I guess I have to settle for the sending my love, hope you do soon feel better (relatively speaking) kind of way.

    Reply

    • Thanks Ruby, I know what you mean about magic words, I have wished many times there was a miraculous cure for everyone to feel well again. The clouds have lifted slightly and I managed to go to a gig last night that I’ll try and post about later. I actually laughed, smiled and enjoyed myself. It may not have been a miracle but it certainly helped :) I hope you’re doing well at the moment xox

      Reply

  5. Oh how I wish I could come and sit with you … you know where I am if you ever want to talk xox

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 148 other followers

%d bloggers like this: