I think it’s official that today has been a ‘Fail’ all round
Work- fail, body- fail, relationship- fail, putting up with other peoples crap- epic fail
If I was to write it all I would end up typing well into the night and I just don’t have the energy so let’s try for ‘in a nut shell…’
Work was far more stressful than it ever needs to be thanks to a woman who works there, she thinks that her ideas are always right, assumes that everyone will agree with her and generally gets right up my nose! I really do not understand how she can not see the faults in her arguments, they are glaringly obvious and tend to go against every fibre of my being but her belief in herself is so strong that she will not listen or blames me for the problems they cause! It made what could have been a lovely 4 hour shift on a sunny day, 6 hours of hell!
My body has decided that I have done far too much today, I am in a lot of pain and every movement of my legs makes me cringe but the idea of getting in a bath and possibly being stranded like a beached whale if I can’t get out makes me panic so much I will just have to put up with it. Fatigue is an ever present biatch and as much as I try to fight it, that overgrown monkey just won’t get off my back so that the washing up is still sitting there, the ironing pile will continue to grow and my poor Toby has had to put up with a short walk and playing with the ball in my garden.
The relationship….I’m at the point of saying sod this for a game of soldiers. It has been hard this past week with more problems than will fit in this nut shell so I will simply say I am unimpressed and my BPD side is struggling with it in a BIG way!
As for putting up with other people’s crap….well when it comes to children or adults in my care I have more patience than most of the people I know would believe, however….when you are an adult without a learning disability or some other reason for it, to my mind you should have a modicum of common sense. I have a very strong set of beliefs and values and anyone who goes against them had better be ready for a fight, you have been warned!
I may just have to send today to the scrap heap and hope like mad that tomorrow is better. If only my mind would stop replaying the day like some terrible blooper reel, with every bad moment like a physical blow hitting me in the gut and making me wish I could remove those memories from my head. If the process shown in Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ever becomes available I will be there with files and files of things I no longer want in my head, so if your behind me in the queue you may want to come back another day, or week.