I just got back from the GP and I’m back on antidepressants. He’s not one of the ones I like, which I had forgotten as there are so many of them, but at least he listened and didn’t make me out to be a liar.
I haven’t had a proper panic attack for a while but sitting there waiting to go in, especially after I realised which doctor I was seeing, I felt it creeping up. I’ve started to see it as a Cheshire cat sitting in my stomach, curled up and quite happy with a big grin on it’s face most of the time, then all of a sudden it starts to swirl around inside me and BAM! the claws come out. Mean little bugger I feel the need for a mad hatter in my mind that can tell him off.
He wasn’t exactly helpful and did what I’ve never had a GP do before and just ask me if I wanted the drugs, no talk of counselling, no talk of…well anything much other than which ones I had tried before (I couldn’t remember it was more than a few minutes ago and there have been a few). After trawling through the BNF or ‘medicine bible’ as we call it at work, he finally decided Venlofaxin would probably be the safest to put me on since the one I just came off had pretty much made me numb. I tried to ask him about the Borderline Personality Disorder too, explaining to him that I had virtually no follow up after the doctor had said it, that I never actually got told what it was and have had to come to the realisation myself that it is a disorder all by itself not just me being on the border of something else!
There is however one doctor at the surgery who specialises in psychiatric disorders, I just tried to get in to see him but surprise surprise he’s popular and hard to get an appointment with. I’ll try again when I have my shifts for the next couple of weeks written in my diary.
I just hope this saddle is comfortable and doesn’t make me numb (are you following the analogy?) or even worse to end up with Serotonin syndrome again. Now to find the guts to take the first tablet tomorrow morning and just hope it doesn’t make me unable to work tomorrow night.