tidy house, tidy mind?

I realised something today as I finished doing some cleaning…it makes me feel comfortable to be surrounded by mess. This can not be healthy! When I finished the kitchen and walked through it with empty work tops, a floor without things all over….I felt empty myself and had to fight off anxiety. In the past cleaning was my therapy, stressed? clean, upset? clean. It was my way of taking my mind off things and usually moving furniture around as I did meant I felt that I was reorganising my life and head giving me a sense of satisfaction by the end of it.

The only thing I know that has changed is my inability to do it with as much Gusto as I used to, I don’t have the energy to blitz my house or even a room, hell half the time I don’t even have the energy or muscle strength to stand at the kitchen sink and wash up at the end of the day. Have I just got used to being surrounded by mess and clutter? Is this how those hoarders we see on television who can’t move in their own houses start? Perhaps.

Don’t worry that’s not my house, I’m not that bad and after realising my anxiety over this,….I’m determined not to be. If there is one thing I learnt from all my anxiety problems over the years it’s that the faster you catch it the easier it is to deal with it. I’ve caught myself slipping into obsessive traits before and had to try and control it before it got out of hand, sometimes it’s worked, other times I’ve struggled but this is one thing I will try my hardest to overcome. I will not become the crazy lady of my street who can’t let anyone into their home through embarrassment, who lives in one room because all the others are filled with junk and attaches emotions to bags and boxes instead of people.

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