Family- part one

This could be an interesting one to tackle, so forgive me if I ramble but it’s preying on my mind today.

My family is as dysfunctional as the next, I know this is not a strange thing as virtually everyone I know has a family that they struggle with and in many ways mine is easier than some. I’m the youngest of 3 children, my sister is 6 years my elder and my brother 8 years. Not surprisingly this caused problems when I was a child, I was the sticky annoying little thing that my teenage siblings didn’t want to be around, my sister once told me that she liked me until I was old enough to talk and walk (nice huh?) and I remember the times when their frustration with me would show in her eyes as an almost hatred.

So…the thing that is boiling around in my mind….my sister I think I shall call her Anne for the purpose of this blog. I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a petulant child, but in all essence I have disowned her. She is my sister in name only, I interact with her when necessary at family functions and perform my sisterly duties of sending a card on her birthday but I have to force myself to do even that.

Anne seems to have had the life I was aiming for and rubs it in my face. She found a man, settled down, bought a house, got married, had two children, moved to the suburbs, left her job to be a Mum and has the picture perfect life. She now seems to think that this makes her better than me, my mum and everyone else around her. Our opinions count for nothing and to say that she will not even let her children stay alone at their grandparents when our mother has been a nursery nurse for nearly 50 years really hurts my Mum’s feelings.

I know I should live by the mantra ‘forgive and forget’ but the way she has behaved towards me over our lifetime makes it hard. The things she has said, the things she has done, her attitude and mentality are hard to get past in this process as I know that there is more to come. Each time I see Anne I grit my teeth and wait for the snide little comment or the look that says I am worth nothing, I have taken to avoiding being in the same room as her using my dog as an excuse as she does not like him and her children are too hyperactive around him so Toby tends to want to be anywhere but in their company.

The silly thing is that for a period of perhaps 4 years, we were the way I always thought sisters should be. I would visit her even staying over at her house, we would chat and she would even confide in me to a certain extent. Then her second child was born and suddenly the invites stopped, I was no longer trusted with her children, my opinion counted for nothing and the always annoying statement of ‘you’re not a mother you wouldn’t understand’ became a frequent one in our conversations. She seems to forget that the majority of my life has been spent caring for children, watching them grow and feeling the pain as they moved on to their next step, dealing with worried mothers and fathers who only wanted the best for their offspring. I do sometimes feel tempted to turn the tables when she glares at my dog for something she thinks he’s done and say ‘you’re not a dog owner you wouldn’t understand’.

I think her lowest blow however was the first time she spoke to me after my MS diagnosis with ‘so you won’t be having kids then *giggle*’ with a smile her face that said she had beaten me. It still makes me angry, it hurts as if my stomach has been punched. I can not forgive that and most of my refuses to even try. I will tackle my thoughts on children in my case at some point but for the moment I think that is enough complaining about and thinking about it.   So thankyou if you managed to finish this one, from me and the baby with attitude above 🙂

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5 thoughts on “Family- part one

  1. First, let me say MS does not preclude one from bearing children!

    Second, your sister is unhappy with her picture perfect life and she feels better when she belittles yours, makes her life seem wonderful, if she compares her life to yours. When truly she envies you and your life. Your freedoms and abilities. Forgive and forget is an apt platitude, but better you seek acceptance that this is how your sister has chosen to live her life, you do not have to participate in it.

    By the way I’ve been estranged from my parents and my 7 siblings for over 20 years. You grow to accept it, at least I did, but the hole is always there.

    1. I told her that in no uncertain terms when she said what she did, I know plenty of women who have borne children with MS as a midwife she should have known better. If I could avoid all interaction with her it would be easier but the rest of my family still want contact with her and I don’t want to lose them as the rest are pretty sound. Sorry to hear about your family and thankyou for your reply, I hadn’t thought of it like that.

      1. If she doesn’t get a rise out of you, she’ll maybe stop. I tell people there is a reason I live on the opposite side of the continent. Hope you find a way to deal with her.

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