I do love this vine, it seems to be making sure that I always have something beautiful to look at. Each bloom flowers, dies back and leaves it to the next along the vine to open and share it’s beauty with the world.
OK beauty for the day over and done with I need to vent I think so here comes the Beast. My IBS has kicked off with a vengeance this morning and I think it’s because my anxiety has my stomach tied up in knots. On Tuesday I’m going on a residential with work, it’s been debatable this week as to whether I was going because I was told they couldn’t accommodate my medication needs. I have to be able to refrigerate my injections until I use them and when I rang was told I wouldn’t be able to have access to a secure fridge. After two days of back and forth between my community manager, team leader, the place I’m going and me….they’ve finally decided I’m going. Because it’s been on and off it’s made my anxiety over the whole thing 100 times worse than it was! My stomach feels like it’s vibrating, I’ve got the shakes, I feel sick and it’s all I’m thinking about. You’d think that a company that deals with people with disabilities would be a little more responsible when it comes to this sort of thing!
I’m having to get my parents to dog sit for Toby while I’m away and whether it’s because he knows I’m anxious or he’s got wind of something happening he’s been very cuddly this morning and not allowing me a moments peace unless I let him go outside.
He’s always been good at knowing when something happening and tends to look at me with those big amber eyes of his, nudging me with his nose trying to figure out what it is
The idea of the whole experience is triggering me off something chronic, my memories of school trips, the hype before it, the bitching in shared accommodation , the smell of all the sprays and perfumes mingling together….arghh! I’m going to have to try and distract myself today and until I leave, maybe even using my old distraction techniques that I got rid of because they had become unhealthy obsessions. But for a short time that won’t be a bad thing I hope and won’t lead me back down a path I shouldn’t be following.
I have a funny feeling that Monday night after he’s been picked up I’m going to be in pieces, I won’t know what to do with myself and probably won’t sleep well as he’s my little protector. I wish I could get out of this blooming residential or be able to keep him with me until I leave for it. Whenever I’m anxious having him around is always a boon to my sanity, taking him out for a walk or brushing him down helps to ease the tension and I’m going to be in sore need of it!
And this morning I ask myself yet again….why can’t I just be ‘normal’??