To market, to market….

To answer my last post….it was definitely worth it!

The start of those three days was a nightmare for me and I’m not sure how to start except at the beginning.

I set off from my house at about 7am to get to the place we were all meeting and as always I was early. So early in fact the place wasn’t open though I could hear and see people inside, the anxiety was high and I was smoking too much and my heart was in my mouth making me feel sick. When I finally got in there were so many people I didn’t know all from different places that I ended up feeling like I was starting school again. I talked to people but ended up being an outsider…they all clumped into groups in little circles that I couldn’t get into…talk about feeling segregated and just like the little kid again!

The first day was not good for someone with anxiety and terrible for anyone with borderline personality traits. We had to learn a dance and do it together, group work with strangers and not being told what was going on, hanging around knowing we would be going somewhere else but not being told when or where until the last minute.

Finally we moved on, were told where we were going and I had to give people a lift there that I had barely talked to. Off we went and with my phone telling me where to go drove off down tiny little winding country roads with no passing places and terrible road signs! I ended up pulling over and asking a dog walker where to go…she had no idea and I just trusted my phone to take me to the right place. Now they had told us to go to a farm…and as we drove past it it said equestrian centre on it…my gut told me that couldn’t be right and I carried on although all the ladies in the car were worried and kept telling me to go back. I saw a man over a wall in the tiny hamlet and pulled over to ask…bless him he knew what I was asking and sent me down the right road again. As I went down a steep hill on a road only wide enough for a car…a van was coming the other way! I pulled over onto the grass and let him pass as others who were coming with us did the same behind me and then horror….I couldn’t move! The car, my lovely Alice was stuck. Her wheels spinning in place and not budging an inch. We all go out to see what was going on and it turned out that she was stuck on a little hump at the front and a ditch on the side. I went numb, laughing in horror as I told the girls to get out of the car and see if we with some of the people following could push it free, but it was a no go. I have AA cover and could just see me having to wait there for them to come and pull me out. I was so embarrassed and covered in nettle stings from going to see what my wheels were doing! Then my night in shining armour…a man at the back of the queue that had now formed had a Land Rover and a tow rope he could go and get as he lived close. The others all went off and I stayed there to wait for him to come back as cars went past me and I smoked.

When my saviour came back we attached the cars and within minutes I was free, no damage except a tiny bit of trim that I re-attached before thanking him time and time again for his help and for being my good Samaritan and driving away! One of our leaders came back to check on me, told me to stop a little while down the road, have a cig and calm down checking that I was ok. Now we were told we shouldn’t smoke on this residential but…well sod that I was having one and was so glad when she told me she smoked too so she didn’t care about the rules in this case!

I got there and checked over my car, was checked on my leaders and grabbed my stuff out of the car. I was in the middle of  nowhere, a small refurbished farm with yurts in the fields surrounding it. Oh dear..we were camping!

We were all put into groups and I ended up being the ‘responsible person’ for our yurt, the key holder and one who had to make sure we had all the food for our pack they provided. Off we went to our home for the next few days and…well we were pleasantly surprised.

 They looked like little houses and inside….

There were three beds, a double bunk and two singles that pulled out, a rocking chair, a huge bean bag and such comfy bedding…it doesn’t show in this as I took the photos as I was leaving and we had stripped the beds…but it was lovely! A tea light chandelier, a wood burning stove, a sink complete with running tap and crockery, it was glamping at its best 🙂

The only thing we didn’t have was electricity or hot water and my phone had run out of battery trying to get us there so I had to turn it off and hope no one tried to contact me!

Now my injection, the thing that had caused so much trouble. I had to hand that over to a leader and had no idea where they were going to keep it just that it would go into a fridge. The anxiety! I worried about it for the next 24 hours until I went off with her to use it..but I’ll cover that later.

We went straight off for a walk, again with no knowledge of where we were going, how far it would be, how long it would take and I kept asking what was going on to no success. I don’t think they knew that I had problems with anxiety 😦

We ended up at a beautiful little druids temple (photo not mine as my phone had died) where we did some rather strange team building exercises involving having our photo taken and searching the woods for bits and pieces

Then back to our yurts to rest before tea time. Oh the food….it was not good, not terrible as some thought, but not good either. More like bad school dinners than anything else and it was annoying as the cafe there had a lovely menu for normal customers!

Not long after tea we were told to be up early the next morning (we convinced them that 6am was too early after some arguing lol) and we all went to our yurts to get the fires lit and get comfy. It was dark by about 8.30pm so we all went to bed pretty early after one last dash to the loos(toilets to non Brits) a couple of minutes away and were asleep for just after 10pm. Unfortunately I woke up in the early hours of the morning desperate to pee! I was on the top bunk and had to try and get out without waking anyone….I couldn’t face trying to find the toilets in the dark on my own when I didn’t think I would make it (bad bladder!) so I ended up peeing behind the yurt…no one was around so it wasn’t too bad and no one was likely to walk anywhere near it so I didn’t feel bad about it but I did drop my torch and had to go back and search for it! I had a cig watching the stars, so many stars as there was no light pollution this far out and then went back to bed falling fast asleep again till morning.

So that was day one…not good and leaving me wishing I had managed to get out of it somehow…day two will follow 😉


5 thoughts on “To market, to market….

  1. I’m sorry if this is an ignorant question… but what was the meeting about? In general, I mean, why did you meet?
    It sounds like you managed it well! I would have died (because of the group stuff) xx

    1. It was a team building training course for work, they called it a re-induction to the company covering the aims, mission, values etc as well as ways to support people. 3 days of it! Oh you would have managed it once you settled in…think of it more as phobia immersion therapy for those of us who hate group work :S I’ll be worse now I’m home than I was whilst doing it because while doing it I could almost dissocciate and be someone else xx

    1. Thankyou! I was proud of myself for managing the journey that well and for not falling to pieces when it happened! I nearly burst into tears a few times but bit them back and didn’t even have time to hurt myself afterwards 🙂 the test will really be these next few weeks where the memories are fresh xx

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