I’m numb, I can’t think straight or feel anything but the little ball of panic in my stomach that won’t go away.
I had a productive day, sort of but it did involve being told I didn’t have the right car insurance which I had to sort out and finding out I can’t claim back my expenses just yet as they have been very unorganised and don’t have the information on file to do it.
I’m falling again. I went in for a medication review of my regular prescriptions today which doesn’t include my antidepressants….the doctor is nice and he did ask how I was coping but I just couldn’t make myself talk about it. I wanted out of his office and to get home to my dog and my spot on the sofa.
I hate feeling like this. I haven’t slept in my bed for days as I can’t make myself get off the sofa to go up there and sleep, I have to force myself to do the simple things and brush my teeth, get dressed and as for showering? That’s a real internal fight.
The pit is starting to swallow me again, the clouds are back over head and threatening to strike me with lightning at any minute.
At least I have an assessment this time next week and hopefully they will agree with me that I need to be back in therapy of some sort again.
Until then…Toby is keeping me moving, work is a reason to leave the house and clean myself and I have Lenore to keep me entertained.