Socialisation overload.

Saturday was too much, too many people, here for too long.

It started out pretty well, one of my friends popped round to bring me the DVD’s I was buying off him, we had a chat, turned out his wife named their new car Toby and oh that made me smile. Half an hour or so and off he went visitor number one gone and me in a good mood.

Visitor number 2 and my best friend. She had been playing for memorial services, playing the last post in memory of those who passed in wars to keep us safe. K has MS too, she was diagnosed about 2 years after me and it’s a bitter sweet thing in our friendship. I almost blame myself for her having it, yet knowing that we go through the same things, we can compare our problems, support each other in more ways than one.  We had a couple of hours together, drinking coffee chatting away and trying to put the world to rights.

As close as we are, that time was enough for me, by the end I was ready to be alone again, my mind and body were tired and I just wanted to sit on the sofa alone without the need to make any kind of effort to be sociable. I think K felt it and she had to be up early the next morning anyway so off she headed and left me to spend time with Toby.

Now if that had been it, Saturday would have been hard enough, I would have had to displace myself, sort the washing, let my mind concentrate on the mundane. BUT….not long after she had left, I had eaten my tea and had immersed myself in a film, in comes a text message.

‘Hi M, mind if I come round?x’ An old mate that lives round the corner with his parents Jay(or so he will be called here).

I didn’t really want to have any more visitors, but I couldn’t say no. There was no reason I could think of that would sound valid enough for him not to unless I lied and after all the contact that day…I couldn’t make myself fabricate something. I couldn’t help thinking..’what could another hour, another person hurt?’ So I said yes.

He popped round after about half an hour, I was already in my PJ’s and nearly ready for sleep.

I should have known my plan for a quick visit would not happen when I opened the door and he had a glass in his hand, he had been round the corner at another of his friends houses and I got the full download on why he had felt he needed to go somewhere else. His rucksack was filled with cans and I felt a rock hit the bottom of my stomach as I saw him take another and another out to refill his glass. Jay was having problems with his family, his boyfriend, his work, his mates, the list went on and on and I ended up being an agony aunt.

He turned up around 8.30pm and didn’t leave till 3am when I told him he needed to go home and sleep it off and almost pushed him out the door to stagger round the corner. None of the hints I had dropped over those 7 hours had worked and he had gone on and on, drinking too much, repeating himself, making me play music that I hate just to shut him up.

I hate having drunk people in my house, it triggered things off though I really couldn’t explain what. After the first hour I ended up dissociating quite a lot, I put my work head on and he was too drunk to notice that I might as well have been a therapist asking him questions rather than giving opinions.

It was not fun, he didn’t see that, he was not a happy drunk.

I didn’t even get rid of him after he left, the text messages started and didn’t stop all of Sunday even though I was making a point of not replying to them where possible. I don’t have it in me to look after someone that needy at the moment. I don’t have it in me to look after myself never mind him. But there is that part of me that can not upset someone, I can not say ‘just piss off will you I need some time to myself! Can you not take a bloody hint!’ and how I wish I could.

This was not the end to my few precious days off that I needed.

I wish I could move.


5 thoughts on “Socialisation overload.

  1. I read your post and couldn’t help but notice you didn’t think you had the right to say ‘no’ to a person without a ‘valid’ reason. During a confidence building workshop I took over a month ago we were handed out a list of rights we all have. One of them was the right to say no just because. We don’t need an explanation because we’re valuable human beings who deserve to be treated well. We can say no to people and we have the right to not answer their question about why. Basically we can say anything we like as long as we’re not being abusive.

    That new found awareness of my right to say no for no particular reason really gave me a sense of empowerment. Now, if someone wants me to do something and I don’t want to I can politely decline-no explanation necessary! It’s fabulous. Not easy-but it feels good once you get used to it. You have the right to not answer text messages and requests on your time.

    Just remember you’re valuable and you wouldn’t likely be too upset if someone else said no to you for something routine, so why let yourself be treated with anything less than respect and compassion?

    1. The very idea of that has sent me into a minor panic attack. It’s a lovely idea but the only way I have found to do it is to get to the stage where I can dissociate from the situation, almost become a different person, usually through anger and then deal with the mental consequences later once I’ve calmed down.
      Thank you though, it’s always good to have these things said more than once, repetition is the only way I can usually embed these ideas into my head! xx

      1. That’s ok, I wouldn’t have expected it of myself never mind someone else expecting it! Compassion might be a slightly easier step…worth a try lol x

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