It’s off to work I go.
I had 6 days off work over and around the weekend…I loved it! It came at just the right time when I needed to be off my feet because of a very annoying pain in my feet due to plantar faciitis and my mood was getting very low.
I didn’t want to go back to work on Wednesday, who does after almost a week off work! But at least the lady who annoys the living daylights out of my wasn’t working this week so I had an easy few days without her, just the normal stress of being a support worker to deal with without her aggravating me along with it.
Now for the next couple of weeks I’m going to be working a lot, lots of late shifts not getting home till around 10pm and having to leave my furbaby alone for longer than he likes (more than 10 minutes in other words). I enjoy my job, don’t get me wrong I love working with the ladies I support, they make me laugh more than I do any time outside work, how could I not when they come out with some corking phrases and have such infectious giggles! But it’s tiring and can be stressful especially when there’s so much to do.
When I wasn’t working I ended up an agoraphobic mess only leaving the house to walk Toby and get food, so I know I’m better off when I am working…but…my mood is low and I’m struggling to look after myself even only working part time.
How do you find the balance? How do you make sure you have a life and take care of yourself and your house and your pets as well as working?
I have plenty of time to be doing things I know…but instead I end up sitting on the same spot on my sofa, watching tv, playing on the internet. Part of this is through fear…fear of fatigue, fear of the pain that comes with overdoing things. I’m scared of being too tired to go to work, I need lots of energy for a shift and I know that when I’m tired my mood plummets and I tend to have a lot less patience so I have to make sure it doesn’t happen.
This week I’ve been feeling like just giving up on working, I don’t want to have to rely on benefits though because it makes my paranoia so much worse and I hate relying on anyone else to support me when I should be able to do it myself! I’m torn and I’m struggling. I just want to be ‘normal’ to have a body that doesn’t give up on me when I most need it, to not be in pain without taking a glut of medication.
So if you ever wonder why I’m not writing many posts..well it’s because of all this. It takes energy to think about what to write, it takes me being able to have my mind clear enough to make sense and a lot of the time…neither is the case.
At the moment I can’t even decide which blog this should come under! Come on brain…work!