Awake for the dawn
Sleep has gone away
My eyes are dry
and my stomach empty
A grey day
One with potential
A day where anything
anything can happen
One glimmer of light
shines through the gloom
the sky awakens
my body warms
and hope expands in my chest
(Image and words By Scienerf)
I was on a late shift last night and should really still be asleep now but instead have been awake for a couple of hours. I may be tired but I can’t go to sleep so instead…I will use this time. I am going to make a list of things that need to do, I’ve started it in my head and think I need to write it down in order to remember them all. It’s nothing that interesting, the simple things like picking up my prescription and doing some washing but even doing that will give me a sense of accomplishment today.
I’m determined to see what I HAVE done rather than what I HAVEN’T because that way I can see the good person I am instead of seeing a failure.
I am not a failure.
I have achieved a lot in my 28 years even if some of it may not have gone as far as I would have liked I will see it as I should do.
I have completed a difficult degree with a reasonable grade of 2ii.
I have trained as a teacher even with an abusive mentor who drove me close to a break down.
I have come to terms with a horrible condition and continue to fight against what it does to my body on a daily basis.
I have found a job that has brought me to working with people with special needs, something I have wanted to do since I began working in education.
I make a difference each shift, those changes in their lives may be small but I am part of the reason they happen.
I have bought a house, it may not be in the nicest area or a mansion, but it is my own little space of sanctuary for Toby and I with a garden I am becoming proud of.
Whenever I think I am a failure I will tell myself that I am not, I will remind myself of these things and tell myself how much I have accomplished. Where others may have faltered and given up, I faltered and have picked myself up and have kept going. I may falter again but I have the strength to pick myself back up again and keep going.
I want everyone who reads this to remember that they too have achieved things in their lives. Our minds may rebel against this and that horrible little voice may tell us that we have not done what we were supposed to, but we always set our expectations high and there is no shame in not reaching the dizzy heights of them.
To remember that we can be proud of ourselves for what we have done, that although we may falter there is always a chance to get up again and make what has happened into a lesson we can learn from.
This grey morning may just turn into a beautiful, sunny, cold winters day here in Leeds. You never know it might even snow and Toby and I can go out and play with snow balls 😆