I had a sudden realisation last night about the films that really affect me….most of them are about mental health in one way or another and always have been since before I realised I had any problems.
Donnie Darko, Sucker Punch, Psycho, The Chair, Memento, Pi, Black Swan, Stir of Echoes,One flew over the cuckoos nest, Girl interrupted, Fight Club, Seven, Sunshine, Pandorum, Me, myself and Irene, The Truman show, P.S I love you
The themes of these range from grief to full blown psychosis and in every one of them I can find a part of myself, some more than others.
I was watching Black Swan last night because my mum brought it back after I had lent it to her. Oh my…I must have done that in one of my weird moods because when I was thinking straight there is no way I would have told her to watch it! I just hope she never realises that the reason that part of me wanted to lend it to her is because well…it might help her to understand what’s going on in my head sometimes and why.
Yes it made me remember yet again that the relationship I have with my mother is not healthy. Not all the time but there are those moments that if I was watching from the outside I would pull myself away and tell her where to go.
I honestly don’t know where I’m going with this post other than to get it down on ‘paper’ and try to make sense of the feeling I have in my gut that I should pay more attention to the problems that I have.
I’ve been trying to be mindful of thoughts going on in my head and ignoring the ones that I can, challenging them when possible and telling them where to go when I know that I have no reason to let them linger. It’s difficult but I’m trying and will have to do some research on techniques for it that may help me.
I watched Donnie Darko this morning, Butterfly effect this afternoon and now onto Girl Interrupted and making sure I don’t get too immersed in them. I know if I do I will completely zone out and end up spending the rest of the day in a very weird mood. I love these films as I do most of the ones in the list…but I do have to be careful when I watch them.
If you’ve ever been in a mental institution of any kind there are a few of these that you will, like me, be able to connect with personally. Luckily my experience of being on a psych ward last time was nothing like it is in the movies, less screaming, less people attacking the nursing staff and a lot less forced medication.
But Girl Interrupted is about a girl with Borderline personality disorder, I watched this before my stay and sort of diagnosis and I remember thinking…’I’m like her, so glad I didn’t end up in a hospital!’ haha spoke too soon! Just like her I never had the diagnosis explained to me and couldn’t help thinking ‘so what does that mean?’ and still do.
We can learn a lot from films, sometimes to our credit and sometimes to our detriment, but there is a lot to learn. That we’re not alone being the least of those lessons.
If you’ve never watched any of these…well I’d recommend them though beware of the triggers they may contain!