Bad dreams

The past two nights I have been plagued with bad dreams. I wouldn’t class them as nightmares exactly just…bad. I’m fed up of waking in a panic, sweating and paranoid with no idea of why I’m being attacked by them.

I can’t remember last nights except it involved some of my old house mates and a lot of bad feelings.

The night before however…it was like being in an apocalypse movie. We were in a small town surrounded by people who were armed to the hilt. I was young, possibly a teenager most of the time but fluctuating between a whole load of different ages through the dream.

The part that is most vivid took place on the inside of a bus

….but it had been emptied of seats and was more like a portakabin on the inside. It was filled with big tins stacked like a castle in aisles. We (a group of us around the same age) were chased into it by the attackers and hid in the tin can fortress, hoping against hope that we wouldn’t be spotted as the armed men surrounded the bus.

Our hopes were dashed as they peered through the windows, someone moved and knocked over one of the tins. We were surrounded with no escape, people were shot down as the tins tumbled around me watching each aisle be demolished amid the screams of those who were killed or captured.

I was at the end of the bus, watching this all from above as I saw myself cower from those figures. I ran…opened the escape door and ran, suddenly finding myself with the others who had survived on a high narrow rail bridge above the houses and shops below, we climbed down and found the town boarded and burnt out with one building still intact. It was a corner shop/hardware shop and we were led inside where a man hid us.

We stocked up on supplies as the attackers advanced through the town, hiding in this dark and overcrowded back room as they again peered through the windows. This time they didn’t see us and as they passed by we ran again, down those destroyed and dismal dark streets, under bridges and through narrow gaps until….

I woke up, tangled and tense in my bed under the duvet. It was early but as I had already gone back to sleep once and ended up in the same dream I gave up and got up.

I hate these dreams. I have had recurring dreams of this sort for years, some come more than once, some change over time but they are always of the same type. Running, chasing, hiding, being attacked, being left behind. I still have vivid memories of the one I had as a teenager and I can see it even with my eyes open.

I know dreams are meant to just be your brain processing the memories of the day and integrating them into your mind but…I really wish I had more control over them. I was always jealous of the Dreamwalkers of Robert Jordans ‘Wheel of time’ novels….I envy them and their abilities.