How is it that even after it was a good day yesterday my mind is still finding ways to berate me? I keep hearing a comment by a woman that I heard when I have no idea whether it was about me and being told inside that it will cause trouble, that I did a bad job, that the parent will say she doesn’t want me to work with her daughter any more. Why can’t I just accept that it went ok, that the day was a success and that I will not get any bad feedback and get into trouble for any of it!

This paranoia is getting too much I need to silence those voices because arguing them is taking too much energy.

Confusion- by Kenya Woods
Confusion- by Kenya Woods

Need to still the chatter

the insistent voices in my mind

bring me peace and tranquillity

allow me to sleep

Need to silence the voices

the ones that shout and scream

that berate and demean

allow me some time

Need to hear myself think

the positives must be there somewhere

those angels who whisper

allow me to hear them


12 thoughts on “Confusion

    1. I’m getting there, I think it’s just because I’m still run down…my mind will conquer over those nasty little demons! thank you for your support 🙂 (toby sends his love with lots of wags and sniffs too) xx

  1. Some times when we care deeply about what we do or when we are insecure about selves it hard not to let those voices creep in, in the physical world I know you not, but I believe in my heart you are more than capable.

  2. It’s so hard to still those voices, I know, especially when you don’t feel 100%. But I read your other posts, and it sounds like you did well to me.
    Sometimes for me, because of that feeling of being watched, I feel like I have to do everything perfectly or I’m going to get into big trouble. And the smallest things take on great significance.
    However, if you pretend to look at your day, as if it was a friend who had performed your work, would you be so judgmental about them? Try and do that, and the berating may ease a little I hope.
    You don’t deserve to feel bad, you do good work, and you are valuable.
    Love to you ♡
    I like your poem too.

    1. That’s the feeling exactly, that paranoia that someone will pick up on something tiny and…meh I hate that part of me.
      I’ve been trying to see it from the outside (I wish I had dissociated a little to see it from there) so that I can figure out whether I’m just making mountains out of mole hills…
      Shock horror I think I might have been in some cases…who would report me for changing my tone of voice for 2 seconds to stop her from running on uneven ground where she would likely fall after trying to speak to her normally and getting no reaction? No one that’s who but that sneaky little voice is insisting on it.
      Thank you beautiful one 🙂 It’s good to hear those things from you 🙂 Love to you too xoxox
      Ohh I’m glad you like the poem too lol xoxox

      1. Oh . . . this is good. That’s right, you did the right thing. I call that (changing tone) my ‘teacher’ voice, I can project it for miles, when a child is in danger. But I guess we worry when we do these things that we are becoming our abusers and using their behaviours. You weren’t. And if anyone complains, including that sneaky voice, tell them you did a good thing to protect the child, your actions were appropriate and your motivation was right.
        Be kind to yourself, you deserve this ♡

      2. hehe oh yeah it was definitely my ‘teacher voice’ I was a natural and you never lose it…hell I use it on children in the street without thinking about it (then panic afterwards lol)
        She may not be a child but has the mind of one when she get’s over giddy or worried and has fallen over so many times recently I didn’t want her to hurt herself before she even got to ride!
        That’s it exactly 😯 I don’t want to be my mother and ‘that voice’ was always part of my fear of her as a child (still is)
        Thank you again…it’s amazing the clarity that comes from an outside view! xxx

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