WordPress will never be the same for me. A lady that I have become close to, friends with and care about is leaving this little community and…I’m distraught! She’s closed her blog and gone with a simple goodbye message I could not reply to and tell her I will miss her but I hope it’s the right choice for her.
Our little wordpress family is struggling, people are finding it hard to talk, to write, to reply and now when I open this webpage I feel different about it. BUT I’m going to keep coming here, keep writing and you never know I might find more people who are on my wavelength because it is a lifeline, one I must hold onto.
I never expected this blog to become so meaningful to me, it was just a place to vent some things that were in my mind and to read some interesting things from other people. How could I be so naive? I’ve always become attached to any online forum I’ve joined and I should have known this would be the same. Is it healthy though, that is the real question because as helpful as I’ve always found it to be able to speak to people on the internet when I can’t make myself talk in real life….it takes over.
I’ve always had an obsession with the internet whether it’s gaming or chat rooms, forums or blogs it’s always the same I form an attachment to the community and when it dissipates (as it always does) I am left feeling empty and like I’ve failed. Being bad at relationships with other humans is a form of torture and I do wonder what I’ve done wrong to deserve being the way I am. I really have no idea why I show these Borderline traits, most people have some huge trauma that explains it all but if I do….I can’t remember it. Could this all really be because of being bullied? Has my life been so hard that I’m scarred when it comes to relationships forever? I look back on my life and I see very few friendships that have been steady and healthy usually only with other people with scars who understand.
Anyway I digress…I am going to miss Artyelf and I only hope that one day she will come back and tell us all how she is doing. More importantly I hope that her leaving this blog was not a sign that she will be leaving this world because it will be poorer without her in it in a way I don’t think she could ever realise. She will be in my thoughts often and I will still be sending her my love across the oceans.