Bite the bullet

Bite_The_Bullet_by_Della_StockI did it I spoke to my manager about the problems I’ve been having at work and the fact I’ve been thinking of quitting because I’m not coping. We were in the car doing an informal support session and I think because I had a distraction as I drove I managed to say it without bursting into tears though there were tears in my eyes.
I’m hopeful that she understands that I may look like nothing is wrong but really I need to make sure the shifts aren’t like they have been. It’s amazing how a low mood can make us think the worst, that people will react in horrible ways when actually they can be sensible about it.
She’s said she’ll make sure my shifts are spread out better and no more than 18 hours in a week. I’ll give it another month or so and if things don’t improve well then they will lose me. I’ll be sad to go but my health has to come first a lesson I’ve learnt the hard way!
I have to survive the rest of this week first though and I still have two more shifts in yet another week from hell to go before I can relax.


19 thoughts on “Bite the bullet

  1. Glad you managed to speak to her, and that you are putting your health first! See how it goes over the next month and then you can make a decision πŸ™‚ Hope this week gets better for you! Hugs xx

    1. It’s always been a hard one for me to do…the joy of being trained up by your mother to not be off sick, mixed in with the fact that I am always convinced by part of me that I am faking to get attention…I’ll just have to cross my fingers and make sure I fight to make sure it happens! Thank you, for the comment and the hugs πŸ™‚

    1. So am I, she can sometimes be a bit ….well arsey about things like that, but I think I managed to put it the right way so she didn’t get defensive and actually listened. Thank you xox

  2. That was REALLY brave. It is so hard to talk about that stuff with an employer, not knowing what they’ll say or do. Bravo. I hope you can hang onto this job, if it is the right thing for you. If not, as you said, health really does come first. Good luck.

    1. Thank you Alice πŸ™‚ I’ll give it a little bit more time and see how it goes….if we get the shifts sorted and I still feel it’s too much…well I might have to give in and just accept the fact I can’t do it, but I really hope not! xox

    1. Thank you Red, I think I need them! The mindfulness is helping but it’s hard (as always). Everything is crossed in the hope that it will sort itself out now…hope…nice to have it back again! xox

    1. I’ve been building myself up to it because I thought I had a meeting with the manager above her and was going to make myself bring it up…in comparison speaking to L was easy πŸ™‚ Fingers crossed it really does make a difference, thank you hun xox

  3. Hang in there sweet lady, i know it tough. 😦 hope you get some down time so you and pup can make a fort and just relax.
    many mnay giant hugs and smile πŸ˜€

    1. Thank you dear one, I have a day off tomorrow so Toby and I can curl up on the sofa for a while and maybe try to get another decent length walk in too. I’ll be trying to relax if I can…work sticks in my mind though after intensive shifts so the mindfulness is going to have to come into play! Thank you for the hugs and the smile πŸ™‚

  4. Good for you. It’s a hard thing to do, admitting that you’re not quite able to do the job like you used to. It’s hard to admit to yourself, let alone tell your supervisor. And they can’t see the stress or how it’s making your symptoms worse, they can’t see the confusion in your head. You sound like I felt the last year I worked. I hope they are able to stick to the schedule. Try not to push you too hard.

    Have a fabulous weekend! ((hugs))

    1. They really don’t get the MS side of things, i don’t think anyone who doesn’t have it or lives with someone who has it will ever understand. I’m far too good at faking being OK and I need to start telling/showing people just how crap and in pain I am sometimes to remind them that I am actually disabled, just stubborn πŸ˜‰ I hope so too, thank you for your support in this xox

      1. Lol they are when they’re not being exacerbated and the ones I really wish people could see like the fatigue hide away. Ah well at least I can look ‘normal’ when I’m being anxious about it xox

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