About a month ago I put my CV on one of those CV library websites. I was desperate at the time, I wanted another job, any job, any job other than the one I am in. I didn’t see any jobs on there that jumped out at me and after that initial knee jerk reaction I haven’t looked at the website since.
Yesterday I got a phone call out of the blue, it was a man from an agency who was helping a support company to find people to interview. He had seen my CV and thought I would like to interview with them, they had openings in their interviews today as some people had pulled out from them. I panicked and told him I couldn’t do it, I’m working today anyway so it would have been difficult but I just wasn’t expecting it at all and I panicked. He said it wasn’t a problem and he would print off my CV for the company to look at anyway, I just wish I knew which company it was!
This morning I got another phone call, another man from another agency. This time he had an opening to support a lady in her twenties, 15 hours a week at £8.90 an hour (nearly 3 pounds more than I get at the moment) and…again I panicked! It sounded almost perfect for me, pays more and would have no personal care involved. But…something made me say no, something told me to turn it down and I don’t know whether it was just anxiety about changing positions or whether it was the universe speaking to me telling me it was a bad idea.
I believe in fate, following my instincts and listening to the world around me…but at the moment with the way my mind is I’m doubting my ability to interpret things and to hear what’s actually being projected to me. I hate doubting myself, I hate having that feeling that my mind is not on my side and that I shouldn’t trust it. I’ve always listened to those instincts and when I haven’t…that’s when I’ve gotten myself into big trouble, but at the moment I just can’t.
My work is having a big shake up, one that we’re all a bit worried about, one that wasn’t mentioned before the interviews we had last week. It will see at least two of our team either being lost to another position in the company or having to accept a pay cut to stay. This is going to be stressful, it’s going to be a worrying time and you lot will be hearing yet more about it I would think as I panic even more. I have about 3 weeks until I start with the psychotherapy guys and to my mind it can’t come fast enough.
Oh but one little side note away from work I have been having the weirdest dreams!
Yesterday morning I woke up from a very bad dream.
I’m standing in a kitchen being lectured by someone about what kind of wall covering would be best in the kitchen while K waited on the street in the car, from somewhere the room became very steamy and I looked out the window to the car and it was filled with steam too. K was dressed as a stereotypical witch and with the steam she started to laugh shouting ‘oh what a world!’ like the witch from a wizard of Oz and climbed in the back seat. The next time I looked at the car there was a fire coming out of the bonnet and the steam in the car had become smoke, K was trying to open the back door but couldn’t get out. The voice lecturing me on the kitchen was still talking away and as I went to leave K walked in in her normal clothes telling me that she had struggled to get out because the child locks were on. When I looked at the car again the whole thing was black and crumpled still burning furiously’
I woke up around there and was really confused and wierded out. I ended up texting K yesterday to make sure she was OK and we had a chat last night where we laughed about it because it had no connection to anything that had happened to either of us.
Why did I worry? well because strangely sometimes my dreams actually happen after I’ve had them. Not the ones that are this surreal usually but I had to check. I’ve just looked up some of this on the dream interpreter and it said this about fire.
Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, purification, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. If the fire is encircling you and someone else, then it signifies your bond to that person. You two share something significant in common. Furthermore, the dream may be a metaphor for someone who is “fiery”. It represents your drive, motivation, and creative energy. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of your dangerous or risky activities. You are literally “playing with fire”.’
and there was a bit about the car too
‘If you dream that your car is overheating, then it suggests that you are expending too much energy. You need to slow down or run the risk of being burnt out. You are taking on more than you can handle. It is time to take a breather.’
I think my dreams are trying to tell me what I already know, that I’m doing too much, I’m burnt out and need a break but also that K is in the same position and we both need to take some time for ourselves so the MS doesn’t get the better of us.