Two days, two phone calls

too-many-telephones-300x288

About a month ago I put my CV on one of those CV library websites. I was desperate at the time, I wanted another job, any job, any job other than the one I am in. I didn’t see any jobs on there that jumped out at me and after that initial knee jerk reaction I haven’t looked at the website since.

Yesterday I got a phone call out of the blue, it was a man from an agency who was helping a support company to find people to interview. He had seen my CV and thought I would like to interview with them, they had openings in their interviews today as some people had pulled out from them. I panicked and told him I couldn’t do it, I’m working today anyway so it would have been difficult but I just wasn’t expecting it at all and I panicked. He said it wasn’t a problem and he would print off my CV for the company to look at anyway, I just wish I knew which company it was!

This morning I got another phone call, another man from another agency. This time he had an opening to support a lady in her twenties, 15 hours a week at Β£8.90 an hour (nearly 3 pounds more than I get at the moment) and…again I panicked! It sounded almost perfect for me, pays more and would have no personal care involved. But…something made me say no, something told me to turn it down and I don’t know whether it was just anxiety about changing positions or whether it was the universe speaking to me telling me it was a bad idea.

I believe in fate, following my instincts and listening to the world around me…but at the moment with the way my mind is I’m doubting my ability to interpret things and to hear what’s actually being projected to me. I hate doubting myself, I hate having that feeling that my mind is not on my side and that I shouldn’t trust it. I’ve always listened to those instincts and when I haven’t…that’s when I’ve gotten myself into big trouble, but at the moment I just can’t.

My work is having a big shake up, one that we’re all a bit worried about, one that wasn’t mentioned before the interviews we had last week. It will see at least two of our team either being lost to another position in the company or having to accept a pay cut to stay. This is going to be stressful, it’s going to be a worrying time and you lot will be hearing yet more about it I would think as I panic even more. I have about 3 weeks until I start with the psychotherapy guys and to my mind it can’t come fast enough.

dreamships

Oh but one little side note away from work I have been having the weirdest dreams!

Yesterday morning I woke up from a very bad dream.

I’m standing in a kitchen being lectured by someone about what kind of wall covering would be best in the kitchen while K waited on the street in the car, from somewhere the room became very steamy and I looked out the window to the car and it was filled with steam too. K was dressed as a stereotypical witch and with the steam she started to laugh shouting ‘oh what a world!’ like the witch from a wizard of Oz and climbed in the back seat. The next time I looked at the car there was a fire coming out of the bonnet and the steam in the car had become smoke, K was trying to open the back door but couldn’t get out. The voice lecturing me on the kitchen was still talking away and as I went to leave K walked in in her normal clothes telling me that she had struggled to get out because the child locks were on. When I looked at the car again the whole thing was black and crumpled still burning furiously’

Car Fire High and Washington 052909 006

I woke up around there and was really confused and wierded out. I ended up texting K yesterday to make sure she was OK and we had a chat last night where we laughed about it because it had no connection to anything that had happened to either of us.

Why did I worry? well because strangely sometimes my dreams actually happen after I’ve had them. Not the ones that are this surreal usually but I had to check. I’ve just looked up some of this on the dream interpreter and it said this about fire.

‘FireΒ 
Depending on the context of your dream, to see fire in your dream can symbolize destruction, passion, desire, illumination, purification, transformation, enlightenment, or anger. It may suggest that something old is passing and something new is entering into your life. Your thoughts and views are changing. In particular, if the fire is under control or contained in one area, then it is a metaphor of your own internal fire and inner transformation. If the fire is encircling you and someone else, then it signifies your bond to that person. You two share something significant in common. Furthermore, the dream may be a metaphor for someone who is “fiery”. It represents your drive, motivation, and creative energy. Alternatively, the dream may be warning you of your dangerous or risky activities. You are literally “playing with fire”.’

and there was a bit about the car too

‘If you dream that your car is overheating, then it suggests that you are expending too much energy. You need to slow down or run the risk of being burnt out. You are taking on more than you can handle. It is time to take a breather.’

I think my dreams are trying to tell me what I already know, that I’m doing too much, I’m burnt out and need a break but also that K is in the same position and we both need to take some time for ourselves so the MS doesn’t get the better of us.

 

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14 thoughts on “Two days, two phone calls

  1. Trust that your intuition is still working and you did the right thing turning down the two job offers. Maybe something else even better for you will come along. Is it possible to take a ‘sick leave’ or something like that for a rest? Work can be so stressful. I’m sure I’d be totally crazy if I’d stayed with my job I quit in 2010. Hope you can figure out what is best for you πŸ™‚

    1. I’m hoping I don’t have to do anything like that but if things don’t settle down soon I might have to! At least if I do then their warnings about having any more time off sick should go out the window since I told them that I’m struggling and how they can help me, if they don’t and I have to be signed off by the doctor it should be them in trouble not me! I know I’ll find a way to make it all work somehow πŸ™‚

  2. Good news about the phonecalls, even though you decided not to take the job. That means that there are other things out there and people do want to interview/hire you! The dream sounds horrible! But glad K is ok, when I dream that bad things happen to people I always like to check on them too! πŸ™‚ xx

    1. Hehe glad I’m not the only one that feels the need to check up on people after weird dreams especially ones that wake me up! It’s a real confidence boost and that’s the truth but I’m still hoping that things will sort themselves out at work so I won’t have to change positions, I like the people I’m supporting and I don’t know if I’d be that lucky next time! xox

    1. Lol thank you! That’s not unusual I keep wondering why peoples posts aren’t showing and it turns out I’ve either not followed them or accidentally unfollowed them πŸ™„

  3. I can relate to your panicked response to the potential jobs. I just got a call out of the blue today for a job that starts Monday, and I’ve accepted it. It actually looks like I might be able to handle it, but don’t know what it would do to my DI claim. If it turns out I can’t, then I’m stuck. I listen to that inner voice too, especially when it comes to employment. I hope you find something more suitable soon. I understand the stress you are under and send you thoughts of calmness and clear headed thinking.

    1. Ohhh fingers crossed it all goes well for you on Monday! Enjoy your weekend before hand πŸ™‚ Thank you hun, I’m making the most of this weekend trying to get stuff done and keep my head level xox

  4. So glad you have that appointment coming up, I hope it will provide some support and a place for you to sort out how you feel about these things.
    Take care xox

    1. Thank you hun, I hope so too. Crossing my fingers the person they put me with is nice and I can actually talk to them. I hope you’re ok dear one xox

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