What a waste of time

Today was supposed to be psychotherapy session number two. I woke up early, drove to the session trying hard to subdue the anxiety. In the waiting room I looked on here (gotta love internet access on phones now a days) and the advice you guys all gave me) and I noted some bits down in my note book to help me through it.

I see my doctor coming through and…someone else stands up, he greets them and takes them to the therapy room. I’m baffled, I look at the girls mother and tell her that I thought my appointment was at 9am…why was she going in? Apparently her appointment was then hence he had taken her through. Off I trot to the reception and after a lot of walking around by the receptionist, lots of questions and computers being looked at….they apologise. There had been a cock up and two people had been booked in.

The woman who told me even acknowledged that I had called to confirm that I could make the appointment and apologised again but he had no more times available today. She took my number and said she would confer with him to find out when I could see him.

I feel betrayed, I’m worthless in their eyes, not important.

I know that mistakes are made and I told them that with a fake smile as I spoke to them about it but inside…inside I feel the hollowness expanding as I wait for them to call me.

Not a good way to start a therapeutic relationship I’d say…trust will now take even longer to build than it would have done, I had convinced myself to trust them and as always have been let down.

*They just called and I’m seeing them tomorrow morning at 8am….if they fuck this one up I will be seriously pissed off since I’ll have to get up far too early in order to get there*

Well now I’ve got that off my chest let me say that I saw a GP yesterday. She didn’t offer any different pain killers but she did recommend that I try and do some stretching exercises to help the muscles and signed me off for a week.

She didn’t give me any exercises but I have some from the physio, she showed me how to do them before so that may help.

Have you ever tried to do core muscle PT on the floor when you have a dog? It’s interesting and does lead to lots of doggy cuddles but not exactly good for doing the exercises! It makes it more pleasant than it usually is but not exactly easy to concentrate on keeping your muscles doing what they should! 😆

The good news for today…well the sun is shining, my daffodils are coming through in places, should hopefully start to show their little bobbing heads at some point and my Toby is a very waggy and loving the fact that the door is open for him to run in and out to play in the garden.

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22 thoughts on “What a waste of time

  1. Ugh, I understand it will be such a let down, to get ready and everything, and then.. nothing!

    Yes I have tried doing exercises with a dog around. And yes, dogs go all “YAY! She wants to PLAYYYYYY!”

    1. Lol exactly! If I’m on the floor that must mean that it’s play time…and look here are all the toys so maybe if I keep squeaking them next to her ear or dropping them on her chest she’ll play with them too….ah well at least he made me laugh by doing it 🙂

  2. Building up a therapeutic relationship DOES take time but it’s well worth it. Remember that your psychotherapist didn’t make the mistake, the health centre/secretary/receptionist did. Hopefully, after this, you will be able to set up appointments directly with your therapist and things will get a lot easier. And the sessions HELP, I promise. I wouldn’t have a life (literally) were it not for the 4 and a bit dedicated years of help from my psychologist. And in the meantime, take control for yourself. I know how easy it is to depend on other people to cure you (I know I did), but it’s honestly going to be down to you. It’s your brain that thinks the way it does so only you can change it (with appropriate help). Read books, learn up about BPD and try to look at yourself compassionately. None of us chose to be born like this but we’re the ones who have to make the most of it and find a way to cope. Just take heart in the fact YOU CAN GET THERE. It’s slow progress, sure, but it IS possible. Good luck.

    1. Thank you, I’ve been trying by myself and had to hold my hands up and say I need help. I did have CBT before and that was hard work but it did help a little with the issues at the time, now to try this one and see if I can re-teach my brain how not to berate myself so much! I’m glad this sort of therapy has helped you, it’s always good to hear about a success story when your heading into something like this 🙂

  3. Glad you got your appointment sorted out, I’d been really pissed too, I would have burnt the place down and then go to jail.
    I’ve tried doing exercise with Doggy around, nearly impossible, he keeps licking and jumping around.
    Post pics of your daffodils once they are all out.
    Have a nice day
    xx

    1. Oh believe me if I hadn’t been so tired and confused I would have been more likely to be that person who screams at the staff and can never go back again, the nagging doubt that it was me who fucked up stopped me lol.
      Ah dogs, can’t live with em would be seriously lost without em 😉 maybe Toby will get used to it if I do it as regularly as I should 😳
      Thanks hun, I hope you did too xox

  4. Sorry the messed up your appointment, I’d feel just the same. PT excercises with pets yes fun with pup, kitty always comes over and tries to get love, which unfortunately means way to much cat hair in my beard 😛 yuck.
    Hope you have a great day
    (((Hugs))))
    B

    1. I’m just hoping that tomorrow I have better luck! If not I’ll be on the rampage especially since I need to be up even earlier. Hehe I got covered in Toby fur being down on the rug with him but I’m used to it…glad I don’t have a beard that can collect it like velcro 😉 Thank you for the hugs, I really appreciate them today xox

  5. Wow that’s pretty shit and yes a knock to your trust because every appointment you’re going to be thinking, now, am I really going in this time!? My care coordinator used to have to deal with emergencies a lot and would often be over an hour late for appointments. I used to get really paranoid just sitting there waiting. At least the disruption of today gives you something to talk about tomorrow 😉 Hope it goes okay. 8am… sheeeeesh! xxx

    1. I wonder that every appointment anyway and to have that confirmation that it’s not just my paranoid brain over reacting…it’s a real blow and I’m wondering if it was some kind of damn test :S My GP has run that late before and I couldn’t stand it, I’m not surprised you used to get paranoid! Lol good way to think of it, but when someone apologises (as I guess he will) I never feel right complaining afterwards so I think I’ll have to stick to the safe topics I noted down while I was waiting this morning lol. It’s nearly bed time since I have o be up so early…what’s the betting I don’t sleep tonight! xox

  6. …. guess what. That happened to me too with S. (Once.) And I felt so horrible and … unworthy. I already discover so many similarities I’m scared! I hope tomorrow will go well. Hugs xoxo

    1. I know these things happen, usually the cock up is on my end and I have done it before when I’ve turned up thinking I had an appointment only to find out I’d written it on the wrong day….but I had triple checked this one and knew I was right…he better not double book it again!! Ah don’t be scared…if things don’t work out with him a least I’ll have a basis to tell them I don’t trust him and ask for someone else after this 😉 Nearly time for bed so I can be up at that ungodly hour of 6am tomorrow. Thank you Juliet, for the hugs and for the support xox

  7. That really sucks that you got double booked! I hate when that happens. It’s the receptionist’s fault though, not your therapist’s. Try not to take it personally since it isn’t personal-it just *feels* personal 😛 My first encounter with the counselling place I go to wasn’t great but it was the receptionist and my counsellor was great. So hopefully your therapist will be fabulous and the receptionist will get the schedules straightened out.

    Good luck! 😀

    1. Sad thing is in this case he had booked me in with me sat there last week and I assume he did the same with her too. I still know it isn’t personal, he has a high case load and I don’t blame him but it still makes me feel shitty to have it happen. I hope he knows what he’s getting himself in for making me come in so early after such a fuck up…I will not be in a good mood or likely to open up any more than I did last time!
      Thanks Natalya, I think I’m gonna need it!! 😉

      1. Oh, I see! I thought the receptionist made the error. That is lousy but I’m sure unintentional. I hope you get on better though than you expect. Fingers crossed!!!

        LOL, it might go better than you think 😉

  8. That sucks about your appointment but like previously mentioned it was the fault of the secretary not the psychotherapist. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow. X

  9. My dog now just lies down on its back next to me when I do sit-ups, we’ve reached a compromise when I rub her tummy with one hand when doing bleaks 🙂 hope you got to the session in the end, I was told by my GP to go over Christmas only to ring them and be unable to see anyone till February, alas unlike you I never went back!

    1. Hehe I’ll have to do my floor exercises more often and get him used to it obviously! Sounds like a good compromise to me and I’m sure she thinks it’s a good way of doing things lol. Ah I made it to the appointment…it was not quite a waste of time but back to the waiting game again now. I bet you could still go back you’d just need to wait…we’re used to queueing, just draw on those reserves of patience and join the queue! 🙂

      1. Haha yeah it almost worked too well, I feel overwhelming guilt when I don’t do crunches everyday, puppy dog eyes, it’s blackmail I tell you!

        It’s so true, gotta love a que, nothing grinds me more than a que jumper though, bottomless respect for not automatically savaging both the doctor and the patient!

      2. Lol sounds like the puppy dog eyes I get when it’s time for walkies and they’re nigh on impossible to ignore or let down!
        Oh believe me if I hadn’t doubted my own ability to note down times and dates I would have, but at that time of the morning I knew the chances were it was me that had messed up so I checked first. 🙄

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