It was his fault

I’ve already been and got home from the last assessment with that silly psychotherapy doctor even though it’s only 8.30am.

He apologised again and explained what happened yesterday. It was more annoying than just a double booking, the other girl had been booked in for 9.30am, I was at 9am, Dr.F had come down to the waiting room but not far enough to see into the room properly. He had seen her standing up but not seen me sitting opposite her…tell you what I’ll draw a floor plan to make it clearer.

floor plan

Dr.F is the green dot standing on the little landing, I’m the red dot and even with the door open I was not in his line of sight because he didn’t come down far enough so he only saw the young lady and her mother who are the blue dots. Now if he had had the gumption to come and look in the room properly he would have seen me but instead he stood on that little landing and assumed I wasn’t there! He assumed I wasn’t there so he took the girl who was due in in half an hour instead.

I’m fuming about this, he didn’t even care enough to look properly and see whether I was in the room! And that girl who should have known she was far too early for her appointment just queue jumped without a thought as soon as she saw him 😡

Ah well that was the second assessment of me and whether I would manage to do psychotherapy, after talking with him for just over an hour he’s decided that I wouldn’t be able to open up enough for the method they use. I asked and it would be all free association with very little communication between the therapist and I :s I really don’t think I could manage that at the moment and he agrees. So what next? well he’s going to talk to a woman who does a more communicative form of therapy where you get more feedback and chat more about things…kind of a stepping stone between CBT and this intensive Freudian (antique to my mind) form of therapy. It has a longer waiting list apparently because she only sees one patient at a time so I will have to wait for longer than I would if I had been able to just accept this stupid form that he does.

I’m relieved that there is another option to be honest and that I don’t just have to accept this as my only option…he did not give me a good impression of this stupid method.

Back to waiting, back to wondering, back to hoping that the next person I speak to will be able to help me.

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12 thoughts on “It was his fault

  1. And I can believe the idiot actually admitted to not seeing you because he didn’t look properly into the waiting room…..
    I hope the next person to see you has better common sense, this one wasn’t definitely the best option, you are lucky we won’t be “treating” you.
    Waiting sucks, but keep the spirt high.
    xx

    1. Thanks hun, I’m happier waiting than I would have been to see someone like him after finding out what the therapy entails and especially after this whole mess up. I’ll keep plodding away on my own using this blog as a way to vent and organise the thoughts until I get someone to help me properly. xox

  2. I know it’s easy with BPD to wait on someone else to “cure” the problem (I hung around for nearly 2 years post-diagnosis), but there are things you can do yourself while you wait for the professional help (not that he sounded very professional). I would highly recommend finding any books on something called Schema Focussed Therapy – my psychologist let me borrow one of her books and it was really useful. I wish I could remember the title for you. The other book that was used for my “DBT” group therapy was the Dialectic Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, and you can get it from Amazon. It’s easier when you have a therapist guiding you through the exercises, but it’s got to be better than nothing. At the end of the day, all the talking will do is open up your mind to what’s going on inside it. You can start doing this for yourself by reading up on BPD (don’t bother with the “Walking on Eggshells” book though, it leans towards the “victims” of our evil-doing *rolls eyes*). Learn about your particular triggers and emotions, accept why your brain works differently from “normal” and life should hopefully start getting that bit easier for you.

    1. Thanks for that Stacey, I’ve just had a look on amazon and ordered the DBT one as well as one called ‘A BPD survival guide’, I couldn’t figure out which ones about schema would be easiest to get my head round as they were all aimed at practitioners, so I’ll start with those 🙂 I’ve heard about that stupid person who wrote about the ‘victims’ of BPD sufferers she’s on here somewhere watch out for her she’s a psycho! I managed to get the hang of CBT so hopefully DBT shouldn’t be too hard to get my head around…I know I struggle with mindfulness but I keep trying and maybe these books will give me some hints as to why I’m having such problems with it xox

  3. you know, the receptionist should have noticed the mistake. She is supposed to know who is in what order. I hope that the woman he is referring you to will be of help xx

    1. I know…they don’t really book people in by the looks of things otherwise they might have warned her she was really early for her appointment and I could have had a chance of going into my appointment. Ah well past is past and I’ll try to put it behind me. Fingers crossed I’ll hear something soon and that when I do she will be much more helpful than he was! Thanks hun, at least I can still vent on here 😉 xx

  4. 😦 I’m so sorry this turned into nothing. But at least you didn’t waste (more) time trying him out. I hope you can see that other person soon…. I just wished it would have been a better and more satisfying experience for you in general. Hugs xxx

    1. Ah well at least they figured it out quickly and I didn’t get tortured for weeks/months before I told them to stuff it, I wish that your psych team had done something similar so you could have been guided to a therapy that might have suited you too. Fingers crossed it won’t be too long before I hear something about seeing this woman and when I do it is more suited to what I need. Thanks for being here and for the hugs 🙂 xox

  5. Wow. That is absolutely awful. Though I’m glad as well that you have another option, and also glad it took a very short time to find out that this guy wasn’t right for you. Clearly, if he can’t be bothered to come out enough into the waiting room to see you, he wouldn’t take much care anywhere else, either!

    1. That’s my thinking about it too…I’m not going to spill my guts to a guy like that thank you very much! Things happen for a reason and I’ll assume that the reason for this is I wasn’t meant to be in this type of therapy, that the other one will work better for me. Positive thinking! Hah maybe I don’t need them 😉

  6. What a pain. After all this waiting, I was really hoping you would get some appropriate care quickly. I think you were right not to do this type of therapy though (and that man is a jerk anyway!). That method does seem very antiquated, but it seems to be having a resurgence for some reason. CBT has been one of the best therapies I have ever done, and i still use it. But I think you really need some support, someone you can enter into long term therapy with. I hope you find what you need. xox

    1. I might have gotten more from the CBT if I had gotten along with the woman who was my therapist, or they hadn’t insisted I should only have about 6 sessions (that’s the NHS for you) or she hadn’t focussed so much on the MS side of things…ah well I have the basics under my belt now and I still try to use what she taught me even if it doesn’t always work. Thank you hunny I hope so too, I’m sure one day I will xox

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