I do love the Goo Goo Dolls, they may be a bit emo for me now but they still speak to me when I’m in the right mood.
Anyway, I haven’t been on here much recently, I’ve tried to read some blogs but my minds been a bit of a muddle. It might be because of the amount of Codeine I’m taking at the moment, it might be because of the pain that it’s only just keeping the edge off, it might be because my mood is low…well whatever the reason I’ve struggled to concentrate and find enough energy to turn on my laptop to read and answer properly.
So if I have managed by some miracle to read and write on your blog but it didn’t make much sense then I apologise! I have WP on my phone but it’s not the easiest version to be reading on and certainly not the easiest to write on!
So an update…as I mentioned earlier, the pain is still bad, if I stay still and don’t try to stand or walk then it’s okay but moving around is extremely unpleasant even with the Codipar (strong co-codamol) and ibuprofen. The doctor has ordered a whole mess of blood tests to see if there is any underlying cause for the pain that I have and the nurse did her vampire impersonation on Thursday to send them all off…another few days and I can ring to see if there was anything in them that shouldn’t be. I’m still signed off work for another week or so but things just aren’t improving and I’m dreading the idea that I may have to ask for more time off.
While I’ve been stuck sitting on my arse I’ve been working my way through a whole load of DVD’s (I’ll be doing a very scathing review of ‘Hansel and Gretel’ at some point but for now let me say, Don’t watch it!!) and ‘Hooking’ my little heart out. The crochet has been a bit of a mind saver this past couple of weeks, it gives me something to concentrate on that keeps my mind from dwelling on the things that are bad for me to.
My Green Man project is starting to take shape. He must have been taken apart, restitched, unravelled and re-crocheted more times than I’ve ever done before on a woollen project which is the reason he’s taking so long!
There’s still a lot to do but he’s definitely taking shape now, starting to look the way he did in my mind when I started him.
When I have been on my feet I’ve found I’ve had to be much more careful, resting a lot, doing things like cooking or washing up in small stages, not carrying anything heavy or that needs both arms as my balance is off with all this muscle madness.
Toby my lovely little furball has had to be patient with me, putting up with short and slow walks when I’ve been able to manage them and playing in the garden to make up for it. I’ve finally had the guts to take my walking sticks with me the past couple of days. My paranoia becomes much worse when I use them, I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me, making assumptions about me (all of them negative) and I really have to battle against them when I’m using those damn metal poles.
I have a walking stick and a few hiking poles that I can use when I need to. I tried the walking stick yesterday and felt very conspicuous and wasn’t sure which leg to use it to support because they both cause problems in different ways so kept swapping and changing depending on which arm was hurting most. Today I tried the hiking pole…although it’s more acceptable in my mind for someone my age to be seen with I think it’s not the best option as I just can’t lean on it as much and the angle of my arm tended to hurt more. I’m hoping that now I’ve managed to use them a few times it will get easier to do it the more I do, I’ll have to use the walking stick I think after logging the pros and cons of the two.
If I have to keep using a stick I think I could really do with a crutch instead so that my arm is stabilised because the weakness in my arms just can’t cope with that much use. Either way I feel the need to customise the stick to make it look a bit less…clinical! You can buy customised sticks but they’re darned expensive so I’d be more likely to put my crafty side to good use and make it suit me myself 😛
It’s strange to speak so much on here about my physical ailments instead of the mental problems I’ve had, it’s a bit of a relief to be honest to have something tangible to worry about, something that is ‘real’ and there are tablets around that can really bring some relief!